Thanksgiving.....URGH!

I was so excited for the holidays to come, I had even started listening to Christmas music. The Christmas Choir at church were practising the other night and the sound was beautiful.
Then............my mother in law called with the dreaded question.......what are you doing for Thanksgiving? I said that I was planning on having dinner here at our home. Of course everyone is invited, she all of a sudden got really quiet and cold with me. The next day, I had called her to ask her what she needed from Costco. She said to me, 'oh don't bother, it's too much to ask you to do things for me, your TOO busy!. I had to bite my lip she is my husband's Mom. Let me tell you, she is your typical 'Mother in law'. I have been putting up with her crap for 14 yrs and I'm so sick of it. I feel so bad for Randy because he's put in the middle, or should I say SHE puts him in the middle. She plays the 'poor us' card often. Randy's Dad had a massive stroke 7 years ago. He can not talk, walk or do much except play dominos.
It's hard for Randy and I'm know it's hard for her too. But................I was not excluding them from Thanksgiving, I just wanted to have it at our home instead of hers. When do I earn this right????? When do I get to use my good china and decorate our table? Even the kids want to have Turkey day at our house. URGH!!!!!!!!!
She loaned us money so we could put a new roof on our house, we are very grateful but now we feel like we owe her everything. You know what I mean?
OK, onto to Christmas...........
Randy's family has always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. That works great because my family celebrates it Christmas day. Oh no, she wants us to go to their home Christmas day as well..........my family is welcome of course. NO!!! Did she hear me? I said NO!
So, years ago when Randy and I bought our first home we told her that we were spending Christmas Day at our home from now on. Everyone is welcome but Cory (only child at the time) wants to stay home and play with his new toys and it's 'our home'. I decorate it all up and we want to enjoy our beautiful home! Every year since, she asks if we are coming for Christmas dinner. URGH!!!!!!!! When we tell her that we are staying home and that everyone is welcome, she gets cold and wont talk to us. ( I'm getting hot just writting this,,,,,LOL)
We have finally gotten to the point that we just ignore her. They do come over on Christmas day, not with happy hearts but they do come.
So, what advice can you give me??? I'm so done with this woman ruining the holidays for me.
I have been praying about it but I'm still resentful.
We have friends who go on vacation every Thanksgiving. I thought that was strange, shouldn't they spend it with family? Then she shared her family saga with me, the get out of town and away from the family drama. She also has a 'Mother in Law'. LOL
I would rather spend our holidays with our friends and not family. That may sound bad but we get more love and happy hearts from our friends.
Oh the drama................